I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
