Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
