i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
