In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
