btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
