the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cannot find my penis.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
