so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
