there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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