I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
