I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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