The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
