and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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