Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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