Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
