Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize