your parents love me but you hate me
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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