Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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