dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Randomize
