I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
