i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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