Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
