My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
