dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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