I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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