I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
