Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
