Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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