kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
