How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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