gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
