Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
