Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
