I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
