I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
