I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
its liver damage thursday
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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