so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
