I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
