I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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