He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
