and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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