I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
