Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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