He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Randomize
