yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
