we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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