just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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