his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
