Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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