you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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