it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
