Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
All the doctor said was why
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
