I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
