He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
