this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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