Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
