Having a random hookup so left but love u
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
