I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
