he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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