i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
