I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
