Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
