Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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