Tell her she can't have a vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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